I stained my shirt

Let's say it's a Saturday night. You've worked all week at jobs that you love but that are totally exhausting. Your husband is at work, leaving you all alone to empty the dishwasher and clear out your DVR. As you're trying to throw a Tupperware lid onto a top shelf, it falls to the ground. You lean over to pick it up and as you're standing, you crack your head on the very sharp edge of the microwave that never quite fit into the nook you tried to stuff it into. You end up on your knees on the floor and when you stand up, your head hurts. So you put your hand to your head and when you reach back and look at it, it's covered in blood.

After applying pressure to your head with a dishtowel that you're never going to use again, you figure that the only thing to do is make a bittersweet chocolate and pear cake.

True story.

Don't worry, I'm totally fine, except that now I have both dried blood and cake batter in my hair. Sometimes I think that my grandmother's mental illness really has manifested itself in my brain (my hair?).

This is one of those recipes that I glanced at online and decided it would be easy to make since I have a thousand pears and I don't like them very much. When I started making it, I realized it was a super crazy recipe. But I soldiered on.


Bittersweet Chocolate and Pear Cake - via (where else?) Smitten Kitchen

1 cup all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 eggs, at room-temperature
4 ounces (1 stick) unsalted butter
3/4 cup sugar
3 pears, peeled, in a small dice
3/4 cup bittersweet chocolate chunks (I used Ghiradelli bittersweet chocolate chips. They are my favorite things ever. If you've ever had a dessert I made, I probably used them)

Preheat the oven to 350°F (or just turn it on and pray if your oven is demented, like mine is). Butter a 9-inch springform pan and dust with flour.

Sift the flour, baking powder and salt together, set aside (or ya know, don't. I didn't).

Using a mixer fitted with the whisk attachment, whip the eggs on high speed until pale and very thick. (In a professional Kitchen Aid, it takes at least five minutes; on a home machine, it will take nine minutes to get sufficient volume. This step is crazy cool. I love using my stand mixer).


While the eggs are whipping, brown the butter. Melt the butter in a medium saucepan (because it will foam a lot) and cook it until the butter browns and smells nutty (about 6 to 8 minutes). It helps to frequently scrape the solids off the bottom of the pan in the last couple minutes to ensure even browning. Remove from the flame but keep in a warm spot. Mine got all foamy and had little brown flecks. I think it's okay though. This isn't it - this is my butter pre-browned, but I didn't get a chance to take a brown picture. Whoops.


Add the sugar to the eggs and whip a few minutes more.

Just as the egg-sugar mixture is starting to loose volume, turn the mixture down to stir, and add the flour mixture and brown butter. Add one third of the flour mixture, then half of the butter, a third of the flour, the remaining butter, and the rest of flour. Whisk until just barely combined — no more than a minute from when the flour is first added — and then use a spatula to gently fold the batter until the ingredients are combined. It is very important not to over-whisk or fold the batter or it will lose volume. Full disclosure - I left my mixer on high by accident. We'll see how it turns out.


See the little brown flecks from the butter? Yum.

Pour into prepared pan. Sprinkle the pear and chocolate chunks over the top.


I love it when you make a cake where you put stuff on top and then the batter rises and covers it. Bake until the cake is golden brown and springs back to the touch, about 40 to 50 minutes or a tester comes out clean.


This cake tastes really good. It's really light and the outside is all crisp but the inside is warm and cakey. Pears are the best when you add chocolate to them. Put some fresh whipped cream on top for an amazing end to a stupid bloody evening.

I've been waiting on these

I am deeply ambivalent about these candies - on the one hand, they are delicious. On the other hand, they burned my finger and I had to sit with it soaking in an ice bath for two hours because it hurt so bad. But ultimately, I decided that you deserve to know about it. Also I have no other pictures of anything to post. I suck lately.

Chocolate Covered Almonds - from Serious Eats


1 1/2 cups whole almonds
1/2 cup + 2 tablespoons granulated sugar
2 tablespoons water
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
4 ounces semisweet chocolate
2 tablespoons cocoa powder

These are great because they're so much more complex than just regular chocolate covered almonds. The cinnamon sugar level is truly addictive. They make a great snack.

Preheat oven to 325°F and toast almonds on a baking sheet for approximately 6 to 8 minutes.

In a medium saucepan, cook the warm almonds, sugar, water, salt and cinnamon over medium heat until the almonds begin to have a dry and sandy sugar coating. Be sure to stir the almonds constantly to prevent them from caramelizing. I'm not sure I ever got to the dry sandy coating place - but they still were fine.


Spread the sugar-coated almonds onto a baking sheet and place in the refrigerator to cool, approximately 20 minutes.

By no means should you touch one of the hot almonds with your finger to see if they're cool yet. They're not and you will probably get a super painful second degree burn on your finger like I did because I am stupid. Oh well.

While the almonds are cooling, melt the chocolate over a double boiler (or you know, a pot of simmering water with a metal bowl in it. Or the microwave. Whatever).

Transfer the cooled almonds to a large mixing bowl and add the melted chocolate. Gently stir until completely coated with chocolate, then spread onto a baking sheet. Cover the baking sheet with parchment paper for easy clean up.

Place the chocolate-covered almonds in the refrigerator to set, approximately 20 to 30 minutes. Once the chocolate coating has hardened, transfer the almonds to a large mixing bowl and add the cocoa powder (or put them in the jar you're going to keep them in, add the cocoa powder and shake it). Gently toss the nuts until well coated. Store in the refrigerator or a very cool, dry place until ready to serve.


I know they don't look like much, but these are great. I kept them in the fridge and kept eating one or two as a special treat - which is kind of dangerous in a way. Whoops. But they're gone now. Problem solved.

Computer mishigas

This week we've been switching computers around, meaning that all my files have been flying around in cyberspace, from hard drive to portable drive and back. I've finally gotten some semblance of my regular set up back, so here we go - it's cookie time.

I've had this recipe bookmarked for ages. Not having a stand mixer held me back from trying it, but no more! I know have everything I could possibly need for baking amazingness.

Dorie Greenspan's World Peace Cookies, via Smitten Kitchen

- a funny side note about these cookies - I had a friend try to make them awhile back and they turned out terribly for him. "This recipe didn't work," he told me. "Why not?" I asked. "Well, I didn't have a stand mixer," he said. "Hmmmm..." My brain started whirring and clicking. "Also, I didn't chill the dough." He admitted finally. Enough said. I am happy to report that with a stand mixer and three hours of dough chilling, these cookies turned out perfect and amazing.

1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 stick plus 3 tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temperature
2/3 cup (packed) light brown sugar
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon fleur de sel or 1/4 teaspoon fine sea salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
5 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped into chips, or a generous 3/4 cup store-bought mini chocolate chips

Sift the flour, cocoa and baking soda together (or, you know, skip this step. I totally did).

Working with a stand mixer, preferably fitted with a paddle attachment, or with a hand mixer in a large bowl, beat the butter on medium speed until soft and creamy. Add both sugars, the salt and vanilla extract and beat for 2 minutes more (this is why you need a stand mixer. 2 minutes on a stand mixer is like forever by hand).



Turn off the mixer. Pour in the flour mixture (you know, flour/cocoa and baking soda) - cover your mixer with a kitchen towel or the flour cover that your mixer comes with - pulse the mixer at low speed about 5 times, a second or two each time. Take a peek — if there is still a lot of flour on the surface of the dough, pulse a couple of times more; if not, remove the towel. Continuing at low speed, mix for about 30 seconds more, just until the flour disappears into the dough — for the best texture, work the dough as little as possible once the flour is added, and don’t be concerned if the dough looks a little crumbly. Toss in the chocolate pieces and mix only to incorporate.


Turn the dough out onto a work surface, gather it together and divide it in half. Working with one half at a time, shape the dough into logs that are 1 1/2 inches in diameter. Wrap the logs in plastic wrap and refrigerate them for at least 3 hours. (The dough can be refrigerated for up to 3 days or frozen for up to 2 months. If you’ve frozen the dough, you needn’t defrost it before baking — just slice the logs into cookies and bake the cookies 1 minute longer.)

Center a rack in the oven and preheat the oven to 325°F (160°C). Line two baking sheets with parchment or silicone mats.

Working with a sharp thin knife, slice the logs into rounds that are 1/2 inch thick. (The rounds are likely to crack as you’re cutting them — don’t be concerned, just squeeze the bits back onto each cookie.) Arrange the rounds on the baking sheets, leaving about one inch between them.


My picture is of the log after I cut most of it. Whoops! I always forget to take my pictures.

Bake the cookies one sheet at a time for 12 minutes — they won’t look done but that's okay! You just have to take it on faith that they are. Transfer the baking sheet to a cooling rack and let the cookies rest until they are just barely warm. Then eat them.


The cookies are delicious, kind of like chocolate shortbread but better. They are a great accompaniment to a train ride up to tomato weekend! They are worth the effort for sure.

Bread!!!!!

Okay folks, Passover is over. No more not eating bread. Or pasta. Or rice. Jeez, that sucked.

So to celebrate, here's a post about yummy yummy brownies that have cream cheese in them! I'm kind of obsessed with cream cheese lately. Especially desserts that have cream cheese in them - it makes my heart so happy (if not my stomach).


These are easy to make, but kind of hard to make look pretty (at least for me - I'm not that artistic).

Cream Cheese Marbled Brownies!

First make the batter from here. Just add an extra egg (and don't add mini-eggs. Obviously).

In a separate bowl, beat an 8oz pack of cream cheese, 1/2 cup sugar, one egg and 1/4 cup flour.


Plop spoonfuls of the cream cheese mixture over the brownie batter and swirl it with a knife. The less you swirl, the prettier it is. I think I swirled too much.....


I threw some white chocolate chips on top (regular chocolate would have been better, but I didn't have any).


Bake for 35-40 min at 350 degrees.


Cut them into squares and bring them to your friends while you eat sushi and watch Gossip Girl. Everyone will be happy.

A new Passover recipe

How could I let Passover go by without making something new for you all? You know I love an excuse for themed food. So yes, it's Passover time, that time of year where millions of people go Atkins to prove their devotion to God. I've seen people make this over the years and I decided, what the heck, it's time for me to try it.

Chocolate Covered Caramelized Matzoh Crunch! - adapted from David Lebovitz

(yeah, you read that right. Boo-yah)

4 to 6 sheets unsalted matzohs
1 cup unsalted butter
1 cup firmly-packed light brown sugar
big pinch of sea salt
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup chocolate chips (I used bittersweet, but semisweet would work too)

Line a rimmed baking sheet completely with foil, making sure the foil goes up and over the edges. Cover the foil with a sheet of parchment paper. You'll thank me later when the clean up takes two seconds and not a hour.

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

Line the bottom of the sheet with matzoh.


In a small heavy duty saucepan, melt the butter and brown sugar together, and cook over medium heat, stirring, until the butter is melted and the mixture is beginning to boil. Boil for 3 minutes, stirring constantly.


Remove from heat, add the salt and vanilla, and pour over matzoh, spreading with a heatproof spatula.


Woo hoo! This part tastes really good. Put the pan in the oven and reduce the heat to 350 degrees. Bake for 15 minutes. As it bakes, it will bubble up but make sure it's not burning every once in a while. If it is in spots, remove from oven and reduce the heat to 325, then replace the pan. Mine didn't burn at all - but my oven is weird, so don't take my word for it.


Remove from oven and immediately cover with chocolate chips.


Let stand 5 minutes, then spread with an offset spatula. This way, the chocolate melts and makes it easy to spread.


You can sprinkle it with salt or nuts or something if you want. I left mine plain. Let it cool and break into small pieces. Store in an airtight container.

In the interest of full disclosure, mine is still not cooled. The chocolate is all runny. But oh man, it tastes good.

Yup, they're good

Cadbury Mini Eggs were made by the devil. I love them. You know that. My previous attempt at baking with mini eggs was satisfactory, but still not the ultimate in baked goods. But if at first you don't succeed, bake some brownies and call it a day.

The basic brownie recipe is from the Baker's chocolate box. I don't care. I love it.

Mini Egg Brownies

4 squares Baker's unsweetened chocolate
3/4 cup (1 and 1/2 sticks) butter
2 cups sugar
3 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup flour
one large bag mini eggs (if you eat some first, I won't tell), broken into bits

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line a 13x9 inch pan with foil and butter it. Don't skip this and just grease the pan. This is so much easier. Genius.

Microwave the chocolate and butter together for 2 minutes (or you could use a double boiler on the stove. But this is way easier). Stir until the chocolate is melted and add the sugar.


Don't eat it yet. It's grainy and sugary and wonderful. But don't eat it.

Add the eggs and vanilla and blend well. Mix in the flour.


Now you have brownie batter!


Don't you love brownie batter? I sure do.

Mix in some of the mini eggs. Yum yum yum. Pour into the pan. Sprinkle the rest of the eggs over the top.


Pretty pretty. Don't eat it yet! Bake for 35 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.


Let them cool (if you can) and cut into squares. Try not to eat them all in one sitting because it will make you sick.

Channelling the obsession

If you know me, you know that I am pretty much obsessed with Cadbury Mini-Eggs (I blogged about it here last year ). It's such a well known problem that this year, I had not one, not two, but THREE separate friends who texted me photos when they spotted the first mini-eggs of the season this year. I feel like some sort of deranged chocolate guru.

To try and stop myself from eating a full bag of candy in one sitting, I channelled my chocolate obsession into another more productive obsession: Baking.

Here for your holiday enjoyment (you know how much I love themed food) are my first batch of Cadbury Mini Egg cookies. These are by no means the be-all-end-all recipe that I will come up with. But it's a start.

1 stick butter
1 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
2 Tbs milk
1 and 1/2 cups flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
as much of a 10oz bag of mini eggs as you have left over....I ate some. Whoops. Then I wacked the rest into tiny bits to work out my aggression/make the mini eggs into a good cookie bite size. Six of one....

First I just made my basic chocolate chip cookie dough - melt the butter, mix in the sugar, then the egg, vanilla and milk (you could cream the butter and sugar together - but I'm super lazy. Plus, I've been doing it for years now and I like the texture). Then slowly mix in the dry ingredients (I mix in 1/2 cup of flour at a time).

Now here comes the best part.....


Are you ready.....?


BAM!


Yeah, that's good stuff.

Um, you should probably mix the eggs into the batter now. Otherwise, you'll just eat them all. Or I will.

Scoop out the dough in cookie size increments (whatever that means to you) and bake at 350 degrees for ten minutes.


Not only do they taste good, the colors are so pretty and spring-y. Now if only it wasn't still winter.

Cookies!!!!!

Cookies are pretty much my favorite things ever. I love to make them. I love to eat them. I love the way the house smells when they're in the oven. They rock. So when I see a new cookie recipe (especially one that doesn't take much prep time - I want the baking-to-eating time to be pretty short), I make it.

I saw this recipe on The Amateur Gourmet. I was especially excited by the name "Lucy Alibar." Why, you may ask? She was in my graduating class at the Experimental Theater Wing (that's NYU talk for those of you not in the know). Plus, I think she's peachy keen. She's fun and a heck of a writer. So I thought, I will make Lucy's cookies! And then I will bring them to my friend Bryn's house for her and her husband Paul to eat.

And that's what I did.

Lucy's Salty Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookie

1 cup creamy peanut butter (use a commercial brand, "natural" peanut butter won't work here - I used Skippy and it was swell)
1 cup dark brown sugar
1/3 cup white sugar
1 egg
2 Tbs vanilla extract
a pinch of sea or kosher salt
orange zest (not too much, maybe a tsp or so)

Combine all these things in a bowl!


That sure was easy, wasn't it?

Scoop out batter with an ice cream scoop (or just a spoon) and lay a piece of chocolate across the top. I broke up a Hershey bar and it was great. I also used one piece of fancy chocolate, but I thought the Hershey/Skippy combination was just perfect. Save the fancy chocolate for another day.

Sprinkle a little bit of sea salt across the top of each cookie. I love salt.

Bake at 350 degrees for 10-12 minutes. Now you've got cookies!


They were creamy and delicious. I loved the hit of orange flavor from the zest. Another fun note - these are gluten free! So if you have a gluten-free friend, make these for them.

Thanks, Lucy! These cookies are great.

Chocolate. Enough said.

It's a snow day here in New York (which means nothing except that you're out 100 bucks if you're an hourly worker for NYC public schools, like me). So I'm taking the time before my audition at 2pm (which was NOT canceled - thank god I get to trek all the way down to Chelsea in the snow) to tell you about the amazing Portland Chocolate Fest, which I went to with my sister and my mom when I was in (guess where?) Portland.

Here we are at the World Forestry Center. I just love giant trains, don't you?

The Chocolate Festival spanned three giant rooms. The lines were very very long.


Each room had table after table of vendors giving away free tastes and selling their wares. Here's some great examples of chocolate-y amazingness.


One of the things I loved about the festival was the inventive use of ingredients pared with chocolate. A really popular one was bacon (remember how I said Portland loved bacon? Still true).


The maple bacon fudge from the Oregon Zoo Fudge Company was delicious. I brought some back for Zack. They had some other great flavors as well - chocolate raspberry, mint, all your basics.


Bacon kept popping up everywhere.



Another weird ingredient pairing? Blue cheese!


I love mixing chocolate and cheese together. I have the palate of a crazy pregnant woman (does this mean if I ever become pregnant, I'll start craving "normal" things like boxed mac and cheese or tuna fish? Just musing....).


The blue cheese/chocolate combo totally worked for me. It was sharp and creamy and sweet. Love it.

There were also wine tastings and beer tastings (if you were over 21). I saw local chocolate beer on display, so the good wife in me said I had to try some (for Zack, you know. I'm a giver. Drinking beer by myself in Oregon.....that's so wifely).


My sister and my mom were both disturbed by this.


But I liked it. Beer? Good. Chocolate? Good. I was a happy camper.

Alli was a big fan of Brownies from Heaven -giant brownie truffles. Do you see the one cut in half on the left side?


That was the size of a baseball. They had different flavors (coffee, raspberry, etc). I bought one for Alli to take home. She said she'd share it with me (but she totally lied).

We all left with gift bags, full stomachs and smiles (and Alli got a balloon hat as well - I'm not sure why, but she sure liked it).



That's it for Portland, folks! Back to my Astoria kitchen.